Did you say Peanut Butter?

So this is a very funny story. I'm almost embarrassed to type out the words, but it's one for the records, so here goes...

Cole is a healthy normal little boy, curious about his body and knows he has a penis. Now, he is not the type of little boy that is pulling on it or putting his hands in his pants or anything. So a least there aren't any issues in public (knock on wood it stays that way). But, he does enjoy laying down on his toys and, well, humping them. (Cole please forgive me for telling this story, I love you!)

At night he takes a bucket to bed with him. Yes a bucket. I would've thought something soft and plush, but I'm also not a boy so what do I know? Well, he doesn't like to go to sleep without his bucket and had been doing this for about a month when he told me his penis hurt.

"What do you mean it hurts?"

"It's sore, Mommy. I hurt my penis."

"Ok. Let's go to the bathroom and show me where." Well he pulls his pants and underwear down and there is a red rash down the underside of his penis. Inside, I'm freaking out, what the hell is that? Oh my God, my poor baby boy! Will I have grandchildren some day. HELP!

So I call Alex to get his opinion. He laughs and tells me to calm down, I guess he could see the terror in my eyes and knew my worries. He tells me to put some vaseline on it and tells Cole he needs to lay off the bucket for a few days. Alex explains to me, it is like intercourse without lubrication. OH, DUH! Why didn't I think of that.

The next day comes and he tells me his penis is still sore, so I take him in the bathroom and put more vaseline on it. It's healing well and will be fine by tomorrow. He says, "Mommy, will you help me pull my underwear up? I don't want to rub the peanut butter off."

WHOA! Did he just say Peanut Butter. My mind flashes to his preschool class where they pray everyday and have devotion. Yes My Mommy puts Peanut Butter on my Penis. Next scene, Mommy is pulled away in handcuffs.

"Son, did you just say Peanut Butter? No, I would NEVER put peanut butter on you honey!"

"No mom, I don't want to rub off the PEE-NIS butter." Ok is that really any better than peanut butter? Yikes. I just need to walk away from this conversation....