So my Little Man is growing up. He kept me in stitches most of the day yesterday. He has perfect comedic timing. He always has. We had a few cute little stories yesterday and I called Amy to share them with her. Well later in the day she wanted to share them with Olivia, and Olivia didn't want to hear them from her! She wanted to wait and see if I'd blog about it. So here I am. No pressure.
So like every little boy and man, he is obsessed with his penis. He loves to say the word as well Pee-Nis. I'm sure I hear the word at least 10 times a day.
"Ow!" "What is it honey, did my ring scratch you?" "No, I pinched my penis" "OH! Do you need to go pee-pee in the potty?" "No, I just pinched it and it hurts. That's all." "Well maybe you shouldn't pinch yourself then."
An hour later: "Mommy, I got to go pee-pee" "Oh great job on telling me! Hold it and let's run to the potty." He stops in his tracks, "You told me not to pinch my penis!"
"Honey, you have been doing so well telling Mommy when you need to go pee-pee, would you like to wear the big boy underwear?" "Yes" "Great, that means you just need to keep telling me when you need to go pee-pee" "Uh, um, I changed my mind, I want a pull-up instead." "No sweetheart, it's okay if you have an accident, but let's go ahead and try the underwear." As I am helping him into them, I notice a hair wrapped around his penis. I'm thinking to myself, that has got to hurt. "Honey, let me get that hair off for you." "NO! That's my friend!" "The hair is your friend?" "No, my penis is my friend" (Boy I wish I knew how to type the inflection of his voice in that statement! It was all I could do to hold it together!)
Later in the day driving in the car someone cut me off in traffic and I was really proud of myself for not cursing instead I said this: "Oh! Pickles!" "MOM! We do not say pickles. That not nice! One, two, three! I spank your tail and you go timeout Mister! Now!" Laughing, I say, "Honey. Pickles is not a bad word. What makes you think it's a bad word?" "It IS a bad word." "Did someone at your school say it's a bad word?" Patiently like he is talking to a small child, He says, "No Mom." Then for emphasis he claps his hand to his chest, "I say it's a bad word!"
And let's not forget Cole's favorite game. Of course he talks about this in what seems to me a very loud voice. "I have penis, and Daddy have penis. Amy dodn't have penis. Leevla dodn't have penis. Mommy dodn't have penis. Kris and Paw-Paw have penis. Hay?! HE HAVE PENIS!" As he is pointing at the butcher handing me the meat. The butcher just cracks up. He is an older gentleman, most likely a grandpa several times over and says to me, "Oh, I see we are learning about the differences today!" I am just so thankful that I've known this butcher since before I was even pregnant with Cole and smile and laugh.
Yet later in the day at the grocery store, we are at the checkout and I am paying: "Mom, look it is time to go. See, see what time it is? We need to go NOW! 2 minutes" He is pointing at his Spiderman tattoo on his arm like it is a watch. "Yes sweetheart, we are almost done. Honey how about you go sit on that bench while I finish paying." At this the 16 year old bagger looks up at me as if I had just told him to go sit down. He was wide eyed and scared looking. I think it was his first day. So I laughed and asked him "Does your Mom call you honey as well?" Great, I am old enough to be his Mom! Now I really feel old!
Today is the First day of School. The city seems to be a buzz with it. Schools buses are out, traffic is heavy, and there is a huge sigh from Mothers all around, Ah summer is finally over. There is a different kind of sigh from the children as well. *pout* Oh, summer is over!
I feel left out. It is just a normal day in our house. School? What school? There's still the laundry to catch up on, grocery shopping to do, vacuuming. I enjoy my children everyday, so I'm not wishing away today. But at the same time, I look forward to the next adventure for Cole. Who knows, maybe when the twins finally start school, I can go back to school myself....
Well, we are off to the park today and I won't have to worry about the older kids running over Cole and the other preschoolers. That'll be nice change. Maybe this back to school thing won't be so bad after all!
Wow! What an unbelievable game. Too bad it was only a preseason game. The Panthers schooled the Redskins 47-3. Alex had a really tough week and had the opportunity to go to the game. He had a great time, which I'm glad. He deserved it.
So I was holding down the home fort. We are a serious football family. Katie has a cheerleader outfit, Sean and Cole both have jerseys of sorts, and Alex and I have a couple of Jerseys. I am going to get a picture of the whole family for the season opener when we are all dressed up. I can't wait!
We also have a tradition of doing a shot of liquor when the Panthers score. Well, if you've been following the Panthers for a couple of years, you'd know we never really had to drink too much or got tore up. Just a shot or two and all was right. I told Alex I would keep up the tradition since I was unable to celebrate last season due to being ginormously pregnant. I'd get the kids to bed and keep up the tradition.
Than goodness my shot of choice was schnapps. Normally, I'd say 'Oh, you can't get drunk off schnapps.' Oh yes you can! Especially when you drink about 10 shots in 3 hours. (Really more like 1.5 hours since they did most of the scoring in the 2nd and 3rd quarter.) My cousin Kris came over to watch it with me. We made the mistake of doing a shot with every touchdown AND field goals. Poor Kris. He wasn't drinking schnapps, he was drinking Crown then Cuervo. Let's just say, by the time he went to bed I was no longer worried about alcohol poisoning. He had purged his sins...we did have him blow into the breathalyzer this morning and he was still legally drunk! (Yes we are dorks with our own breathalyzer) We are not alcoholics, just safe!
He gave me crap last night that I was drinking fru-fru shots. 'Absolutely I am. I need to be on call if the babies need me. Plus I really don't want a hangover with 2 crying babies.' I called to check on Kris this evening, and he is starting to see the wisdom in fru-fru drinks.
I just hope the Panthers keep scoring like they did and we need to change our tradition to one shot at the end of the quarter. I'm getting old; I can't hang like I used to.
Ok. She is going to absolutely kill me when she sees this posted, but it is such hilarious story it needs to be shared. So Amy, bless her heart, has very weak enameled teeth. One of her upper teeth had broken in half horizontally. One of the main ones in the center. Snapped in two. I'm sure that had to have hurt. Well she was busy being a mom, working, and so on and she couldn't get in to see the dentist right away. So she came up with a solution. She would super-glue the tooth back on and just be real careful with it until she could get to the dentist.
So she was running late for work and took off down the road. Well her tooth fell off. So she pulled into a gas station and super-glued it back on. But because she was in a hurry, she got, shall we say, overzealous with the super-glue. She ended up super-gluing her index and middle finger together! She couldn't even bend her fingers. So she goes into the gas station and buys a bottle of fingernail polish remover and goes into the bathroom. She uses the entire bottle and only got her fingers half-way unstuck. She had to go buy a second bottle before she could get them undone! I would have paid money to see the look on the cashier's face!
I am still recovering from the state of shock I have been in from the past couple of days. I just can not explain how much fun it has been here! The days are running together. So Tuesday night Alex didn't get home until 9 at night. I think he was expecting to come home to a quiet house with the kids all asleep and just have a second to unwind after a 14 hour day, but no I had different plans! (Evil wife)
So my sweet little angel, Katie, was sound asleep in her bed. Sean on the other hand, was crying his little eyes out. We were trying to have him 'cry it out'. Well Cole couldn't sleep for Sean's crying, so I told him he could stay up for a bit. Well, when I realized Sean was just getting worked up and not settling down, I went upstairs to comfort him. He threw up all over his mattress. Alex comes home, the TV is still on with Cole watching it (an hour past his bedtime) oh and the TV is having issues. It has black vertical lines - think thin jail bars. I think Alex just saw dollar signs flying out the window along with the HD Football season. So we finally get everyone cleaned up, bedding changed and ready for bed and realize it's our own bedtime. So no dinner for either of us. We must've been bad and Karma was punishing us.
So last night Alex gets home at a quarter of 7. Much earlier. Hooray! Still walks into a house of chaos and no dinner. We were out of baby cereal so we had run across the street to get it, which put us way behind schedule. The twins are like mini-celebrities. People just come out of the woodwork to talk to them/me. 25 minutes. That's how long it took to just run in real fast for cereal.
Got home and started feeding Cole and the twins dinner right away. Well Sean decided his tummy was still upset and he had had enough. So he gave me back everything he'd eaten. So I grab him out of his chair, run to the sink and start washing him off. I just threw a towel over his highchair so I could clean it after dinner. As I am at the changing table changing his outfit, I hear Cole complaining, 'Why does Katie get to eat with her fingers? I don't get to!'
Oh no. This is not going to be good. I left the carrots on her tray and our walls are white. Crap! So I get Sean settled and just walk into the kitchen with camera in hand. That's when Alex gets home. He sees Sean fussing on the floor with toys, a highchair with a towel over it, I am only feeding one baby who is covered in carrots and to boot, Cole is running around like a I had just shot him up with pure sugar, who I am yelling at to come sit down and finish his dinner!
Two nights in a row! He asked me what I needed. I told him to go upstairs and get changed and take a minute for himself, because when he comes back I am going to need his help. When he came back I was getting Katie washed off and working on both highchairs. I asked him if he was hungry, and he looked at me with guilty eyes, 'Yes.' I laughed so hard. I told him I was hungry too but I wasn't going to cook if he wasn't hungry.
So I have got to go now, I have LOTS of laundry to catch up on since I have been cleaning up sickness for 2 days straight now. I have to laugh at all this. I do. When I think we spent almost $100k to have these 3 kids and to have this chaos. Wow! I'm either really brave or really stupid, but I wouldn't have it any other way. So I basically paid $100k to live in chaos, and I am fully content down to every ounce of my soul....Hmmm.
Achoo! Eww, need a tissue quick! I don't care what it is just grab something QUICK!
That has been the sound of our house for the past 3 days. First I came down with a cold, no problem, I'm the Mom. It's my job to tough it out. Take a couple of Tylenol Cold and keep going, I'm the energizer bunny right? But now all three kids have it too to varying degrees. Well it may actually be a flu since there are muscle aches and stomach symptoms. Hence moving bath night up a night. (Calgon take me a way... not that kind of bath night. Darn! I could use it.) So on top of the twins with a cold, add on top they are both teething - Hooray - splendid. (Hope you didn't miss the sarcasm in the typing) Katie has a diaper/yeast rash that just doesn't want to go away and Sean has thrush in his mouth. Considering all of that, the babies really are being champs about it.
Cole on the other hand, has just a touch of it. Fever and sore throat, but the Motrin hooked him right up and he is running around playing with a hammer - plastic of course but loud none the less.
Alex is yet to come down with it, but I'm sure he will in the next few days. He has been working on a project for 9 months that accumulates this week. If the bugs don't get worked out, it will get pulled. So no stress there for him.
I've been worried about how I would handle it when we all get sick, now I know. I guess I should feel nostalgic, 'Aw, our first family cold'. Yeah I'm just not there yet.
Fantasy Football Baby! Yeah! I'm so ready for regular season. I had a great draft and I am pumped!
I haven't accepted Lady is gone. I feel like she is just away being boarded. She's going to come home any day I know....
There REALLY are crazy people on the Internet with bad intentions. I just told one of them off on a forum I like to visit and it felt good! (You want to talk about hormones, oh I'll show you hormones! I don't know who she thinks she is!)
I can't stand when people don't yield to pedestrians in the crossing zones in front of stores. I am quite a sight with a 3 yr old on my shoulders pushing a double stroller with store bags, purse, and diaper bag. Don't ACT like you can't see me. I'm a walking spectacle!
When you whisper a cuss word under your breath, your 3 yr old will wake up and repeat it for at least 5 minutes. If you say it in a normal voice, they never notice it.
Wine and food always taste better when you share it.
I like the smell of my babies' farts. (Now there is something you don't hear everyday!)
As a kid, my Mom knew it all! As a teenager, she didn't know a thing. Now I realize she really did know it all!
It's better to be a source of knowledge than a know-it-all.
I need to set up a video camera outside my home. When ever I am trying to get all the kids loaded and buckled into the van, Bandit always escapes. I chase him around the van and he jumps through the side doors. Round and round we go. I finally catch him in the front seat. I punk him to make him think I'm running around the van and when he jumps seats, I grab him. I bet I could win money on AFV. I just need Charlie Chaplin music in the background.
Tonight I had to do what every pet owner never wants to think about. I had to put my sweet beloved Lady to rest. Let's just spare you the details and say it turned bad pretty fast. I didn't want her to suffer and took her to the vet immediately. I think they train Vets in school to always say you are doing the right thing and they won't be suffering any longer and blah, blah, blah. Granted, they are the ones actually pushing the needle to administer the "meds." But how many of them have truly agonized if you are taking your pet's life to soon? Is this just a bad day or two, or is this the beginning of the end. Dogs are fighters, maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe they just love and appreciate every day on this earth to it's fullest, even in pain. They'll hold on, because the love us, their owners and want to spend every last minute with us.
Did I just give up on her because I didn't have the strength to watch her waste away. Maybe, just maybe, she understood the full value of her life and wanted to hold on for every last breathe. Everyone is telling me I was strong for stepping up to the plate and doing what needed to be done. I 'ended her suffering.' Did I really, or was I just too weak to handle watching her pass naturally?
It's been a little over 8 hours and my eyes are swollen from crying and still can't believe she's gone. I'm afraid to go to sleep, for the nightmares....
I just want to wake up tomorrow and realize her death was the nightmare and she'll be right there wagging her tail with a nose nip for me. It just can't be happening. Why would dogs only live 1/8 of our lifespan. It's just not right.
Cole attended a birthday party today and man was it a great time for everybody! This blog may end up sounding like a commercial for Craven Farms, but I assure they did not pay me. I was just blown away! This place had goats the children could feed, a pig, chickens running around (which surprisingly is a BIG hit for 3 year old. Who knew?) and the icing on the cake was the unlimited pony rides!
They had cowboy hats for every child to wear, hay bundles to sit on, and a lot of other things. It was a true working farm and I loved it. I told Alex let's sell the townhouse and do this! A little bit of land out in the country, ah, a girl can dream. I could tell by looking around, this isn't all they do, but it's a great way to supplement income. Oh the smiles on all the children's faces!
I could also tell it is not just set up for small children alone. There were definitely things for older children to do, they just had it safely blocked off for the little ones. Maybe I can have the twins 3rd birthday party there! I know Cole had a blast, but I think Alex and I may have just as much fun or more. Yes, Cole did ride the pony and he wasn't scared in the least. After his turn, he petted the pony's side and said, "Thank you for the ride." What, is that MY son? Whoa!
Well, I am going to keep it brief today. Lady is not doing so well. She has been hanging on, having bad days and good days. She has Renal Failure. The last time we had her bloodwork checked it was still 3rd stage, not yet 4th stage. That was about 6 weeks ago and the doctor said it was borderline. She's not eating and anything she does get down, only stays for a visit before coming right back. She won't take any of her medications, not the pain meds or even the ones to calm her stomach. She's not drinking much water either. I fell apart agonizing what to do, let nature takes it's course or ease her suffering. Alex and I had a long talk before deciding to wait one more week and then discussing it again. It also helped that the day we were talking she was having a good day. She was able to walk down the stairs herself, and was able to just sit outside for a bit sucking in all the sunshine and light wind. She knows what is happening, I can see it in her face and eyes. She is not done living right now. She is taking pleasure where she can and is really living in the moment. She felt a little frisky and treated us to a howling session and got herself so wound up she even gave us her signature nose-nip to show us how happy she is.
I asked the doctor what she feels going through all these and he equated it to having a real bad flu, but no real pain, just tired and not feeling well. He said I should go ahead a bring her in. So as long as she is still having good moments, a tail wag and smile for me, I can't take that away from her. The day may come soon that I'll need to take her for her final visit at the vet, but it's not yet. I love you Lady. Hang in there.
Now that Cole is 3, I am very aware of my own nakedness. I have started wearing PJs most nights to bed. I just find it so restricting. I haven't worn PJ's since, I don't know 8 or so. I think I would wear them when I had a sleepover, but I really don't remember. But it is a habit I know I need to do and I am working on it. Up to this point, I would bring Cole into the bathroom and give toys to play with on the floor so I could take a shower.
Something has changed in the past few weeks. He is becoming more aware that there are differences, so I stopped letting him see me and started telling him Mommy needs privacy when she gets dressed. Well this morning he got up a little earlier than usual and just walked right into the bathroom as I was getting changed. Of course he caught me right as I was putting my bra on.
"Are you putting your boobies in?" "Yes, honey. Now scoot, I need to get dressed. I'll be out in just a minute."
For the last few months I've noticed he calls everyone, He or Him never She or Her. I would always correct him and try to teach him. No honey, SHE is a lady so we say SHE when referring to HER. See you are a boy and SHE is a girl. He's never gotten this concept.
So today after the booby comment, I realized I probably need to do what I have been putting off for a while and address this. We had previously taught him the word penis.
"No don't jump on Daddy there! That hurts him" "But why?" "Well, uh, see, uh, boys, well, um, you know where your pee-pee comes out? That is called your penis and it hurts boys if they get kicked, or jumped on, or punched there. So you need to play nice with Daddy"
I knew he got the concept the very next morning because he ran into the kitchen as I was feeding the twins breakfast. "Mommy I hurt my penis!!!" "Oh, you did? What did you do?" I noticed no tears, he wasn't holding himself and his voice was pretty even keel. "Well I was moving table..." "What? What were you doing?" "I was moving table with my penis and it hurts" "Yes honey, penises are not meant to move furniture with, I just suggest you don't do that anymore. You're okay, do you want some carrots and oatmeal? No? Well okay, Sean seems to really like it."
So as I was changing each of the twins diapers this morning and I asked for him to help me. I showed him, "See Sean has a penis, like you and Daddy, and Katie doesn't." Oh crap, I'm winging it. What do I call it if he asks what hers is called? Maybe I should've prepared myslef a little more for this. Well too late now. Hopefully he doesn't ask. "See Sean is a boy and has a penis, and Katie is a girl and she doesn't."
I finished changing each of their diapers and we played a game, Boy or Girl? I named just about everyone I could think of that he knows including the dogs. He has definitely got the concept. I think I got lucky he didn't ask any questions and just took it as is. Whew! So he understands the difference between boys and girls, but not the potty and his pull-up! What! This kid is so playing me!
I've heard of Tag Team Wrestling, but Tag Team Crying? Yes, my twins have created a new game and I call it Tag Team Crying. Isn't that fun? It is just my favorite of all games, EVER!
Seriously, I feel I have had a run of it. They are both teething and bored with all their current toys. I have swings, exersaucers, jumpers, playmats and these other things that dangle over them. They are just tired of it all. I can't hold them every minute of the day. Alex said it's okay for them to fuss a little, but sometimes I just can't take it. (Think of the scene from airplane, where everyone is lined up to slap the lady, telling her to "Pull it together!" Slap!) That's me sitting in that chair.
I get one settled into an activity and the other starts crying, and I just go back and forth with a little extra for Cole in there. Before I know there hungry again, how did three hours already pass by? Not only are the Tag Team Crying, but the are also Tag Team Napping! Fun!
On a side note, Cole fell at the pool yesterday and got his first fat lip. He cryed for about 5 seconds and then was just cool about it. My insides lurched but I remained calm on the outside. He had blood running down his chest and Alex's back as he carried him to get cleaned up. Alex and I kept asking , 'Bud you okay, does it hurt - do want some medicine to make it feel better?' 'No, I fine'
I know I would have whined about it all day! Probably taken a couple of Tylenol and who knows what else!
Well gotta go, Katie needs a teething ring and Sean has a diaper full of.... What Cole? Yes, I know you want ice cream? Oh, you think it will make your lip feel better? It will, well ok. No rest for the weary...
Cole never ceases to amaze me. Everyday, I think I've got it and it's all under control, but he somehow shocks me everyday. Luckily, today is a good kind of shock. He got up, made his bed, went pee-pee in the potty, brushed his teeth and got dressed with a little help, of course, but there were no tears, no fussing or anything. He seemed happy to do it!
Well he asked for waffles for breakfast and I gladly made them for him. When we sat down at the kitchen table he says, "'Member, you need to get the babies. 'Member?" I told him I had already fed the babies and I could just sit and eat with him. "Aw, Mom, how sweet" and he reaches over and pats my hand. Where does he get these things from?
"Do I get to go to school today and eat my lunch?" "No, sweetheart, there is no school today. It's Saturday." "(Sigh) Oh, okay" "Cole did you see where I left my coffee?" "Mo-om, no coffee, 'member, we need to drink our milk first 'member? That was so sweet" "What was sweet honey?" "Daddy bring you flowers. Aw Daddy, he's so sweet"
Am I really have this conversation with my little baby boy? How old are you son? By my records you are only 3. He is just growing up so fast, I'm afraid to blink my eyes!
Okay, most of you will just want to skip today's blog. I am addressing this blog to Paul directly. When my Mama passed away a few years back, Amy wrote a letter to Mama expressing her feelings and clearing the air. It was very therapeutic for her and a type of closure. That's doesn't sound how I want it to. When a death is not a surprise and you can prepare for it, you can say your piece (or say your peace) and have closure. She was able to do that and that is just wonderful. She urged me to do the same, whether by letter or vocally. But as I sat at her bedside trying to take care of her the best I could, words failed me. All I could find to talk about with her was the future. A future I would have to face without her. I have felt very guilty about talking about the future with a dying woman, much less the fact she was my own mother!
Now, after becoming a mother I realize, I didn't need closure and I don't think she did either. We were always very close, open and honest with each other. So as her time neared, we could just sit in silence and enjoy each other's presence. I wanted her to know she had raised me well and wanted her to be proud of me.
I'm sure most people feel this way, but my Mama was one of a kind. She was such a unique person and I absolutely adored her. I looked up to her and admired her. She was the sun and I was moon that orbited her. To me, she was larger than life. She was just a fantastic person that I am blessed to have come from.
I actually found out I was pregnant with Cole 3 days after my Mama passed. It was bittersweet, since we had been trying for 2 years and were about to give up when the doctor donated the medication for us to try just one more try. I know now, Mama had hand-picked Cole out for us.
Now comes the Thank You part to Paul.
You are a wonderful man with a terrific sense of humor. I value you your wisdom and courage. You see life from an angle that surprises me everyday. Mama knew what she was doing when she came and sat on your desk at Hi-Tech. You two are a match made in Heaven. I love you in so many ways I don't even know how to express them all. In my heart you are my true dad and I want you to find happiness again. I know Mama does too. Paul, if I could, I would go back over all the years and erase anything hurtful I may have said or did. I want you to know I love you and I truly like you (as I know these don't always go hand in hand) I enjoy talking to you and hearing your opinions and can't imagine my life without you.