Nat King Cole

So today I am no longer just Mommy. I am 'Sincess Mommy' and Cole is King. I was playing his game along with him and he would give me directions and I would follow them. The King needed cheese and crackers for his snack time, so Sincess Mommy prepared it for his majesty. I served the snack and asked 'King Cole' if he would prefer milk or juice with his snack.

"I Nat King Cole!"
"What you're not King Cole?"
"No. I Nat King Cole!"
"Okay? So? sweetheart should I not call you King Cole?"
"No I say Nat!!"

Okay wait a minute, are we playing who's on first here? This feels awfully a lot like that! Where's the hidden camera on me?

"So, what should I call you?"
"Okay Mommy. Let's take deep breaffs." He breathes in and slowly blows the air out and then repeats the breathing some more. He then asks me patiently and slowly. "Now that's better right? Ok. I am Naaaa-aat King Cole and you are Sincess Mommy! You get it now?"

I don't know where he gets this stuff from!

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He has learned his alphabet song and can sing all 26 letters in the right order, but he can't count to 5.

One, Two, Three, Eight, Nine.

We have been working on counting to 5 for a long, long time. I just don't get it. So I thought maybe I need to be using more visuals. So instead of counting stairs or fingers, or candy even I have these flash card puzzles. They are really cool and he loves putting them together. So he recognized the 1, 2, and 3! Yes we are on the right track! He then grabs the 8 and puts it together and says "Ocho" then he grabs the 5 and puts it together and says "Cinco". WHAT?

"Where did you learn that honey?" I am thinking he heard it in the background while Daddy was watching football news: "Chad Johnson has officially changed his name to Ocho-Cinco and it will now be on his jersey...."

"Dora and Diego." Yeah right! Daddy!

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So now that Cole is peeing on the potty he finally wants to stand up and pee like Daddy. So he does it, he's excited and thrilled. Then he decides to really examine it and realizes there is a hole at the end of it!

"I have a BOO-BOO!!!"
"No honey, that is just where the pee-pee comes out," as I am trying not to smile. Boys really are obsessed with it!
"No, I have boo-boo!"
"Okay honey" and I walk away as fast as I can because my mind flashes to AFV, "Daddy I hurt my booty. Will you kiss it?" Oh dear son, please do not say that. I'll pee in my pants laughing and give you a complex for the rest of your life! Mercifully he didn't ask!

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Bandit ate the last few bites of Cole's breakfast. Cole said we need to put him in time-out. So I opened the gate and told Bandit to go downstairs, which he did, surprisingly! After about 2 minutes Bandit comes back up the stairs and sits at the gate whining. Cole says, "Mom, Bandit ready say sorry now."
"Oh, he is? Okay then lets go to talk to him." I open the gate and Bandit walks back in with his head hung low.
"Bandit, I sorry too. Don't do it again or Mama spank your tail!" then to me he says, " He's sorry! I forgive him. Can I have a cookie?"

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And just now he came up to me and said, "Mom, okay, deep breaffs." I go into panic mode at that. "Why? Why do I need to take deep breaths?"
"Bandit pooed on the floor. It's okay, I tell him to poo outside now on. Deep breaffs."

Who is this child?