My sweet, sweet, dear Lady May

Tonight I had to do what every pet owner never wants to think about. I had to put my sweet beloved Lady to rest. Let's just spare you the details and say it turned bad pretty fast. I didn't want her to suffer and took her to the vet immediately. I think they train Vets in school to always say you are doing the right thing and they won't be suffering any longer and blah, blah, blah. Granted, they are the ones actually pushing the needle to administer the "meds." But how many of them have truly agonized if you are taking your pet's life to soon? Is this just a bad day or two, or is this the beginning of the end. Dogs are fighters, maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe they just love and appreciate every day on this earth to it's fullest, even in pain. They'll hold on, because the love us, their owners and want to spend every last minute with us.

Did I just give up on her because I didn't have the strength to watch her waste away. Maybe, just maybe, she understood the full value of her life and wanted to hold on for every last breathe. Everyone is telling me I was strong for stepping up to the plate and doing what needed to be done. I 'ended her suffering.' Did I really, or was I just too weak to handle watching her pass naturally?

It's been a little over 8 hours and my eyes are swollen from crying and still can't believe she's gone. I'm afraid to go to sleep, for the nightmares....

I just want to wake up tomorrow and realize her death was the nightmare and she'll be right there wagging her tail with a nose nip for me. It just can't be happening. Why would dogs only live 1/8 of our lifespan. It's just not right.